Monday, June 28, 2010

A+ Fecal Matter

As the end of first summer sesson, being my first ever summer class, comes to an end I am thrilled with the outcome. There were only 2 assignments in the class, no tests, just a paper and a powerpoint presentation to be given in the fall to my teachers intro to ag class (an all freshman class so I'm far from concerned about that). The assignments were due last thursday so I was the over achieving student that finished the paper a week ahead of time and took it to my teacher to be critiqued before I started on the power point that would be based on the ideas from my paper. When I went to retrieve my paper that I was sure would have some red markings I was floored, not a mark on it... because my teacher hated the whole thing and wanted me to start over. Not what I needed. So I couldn't bring myself to work on my redo for several days because I was lost and had no idea where to re-begin. After several days I sat down and said to myself "I will finish this now". About that time my phone vibrated. It was my sister which always seems odd to me because we really dont' speak much. She was texting to inform me my grandmother had been in the hospital all day, she had a stroke... My grandmother has had heart problems for as long as I can remember. They began with a serious of small strokes several years ago. To get the full understanding of how hard this hits me, until I moved away from mena I lived with my grandparents for years. I practically lived there my whole life because their house is beside my mom's. What little was taught to me about cooking by other people was done by my grandma. She always had a project for me, making sour dough bread on a boring weekend day, baking papa some "truck cookies" when I was still a little young to help with hay. Other than in the kitchen she taught me what I know about sewing, about bill paying, about doing laundry, basically anything you ever needed to know about keeping house or entertaining company. On top of that she taught me everything I know about chickens, which I guess to some people isn't so important... but at my house that kinda of knowledge made life easier. My grandma is such a strong woman. She is SO stubborn, which is a trait I have inherited 10 fold from her. I also gained my love for old movies and Elvis from my grandma. So when I read this text message from my sister that said "Have you talked to mom? Nanny had a stroke today" I felt the world tilt off its axis and send me spinning. I tried to read the message again through my tears to make sure I had read it right... to be very honest I must have read the message upwards of 10 times trying to make sure I wasn't reading it wrong. Since I moved away from home my number one fear has been the phone call where someone informs me something has gone wrong, like this. There would be no paper writing after that. So the next day was the day my paper was due, I thought... I can do this. I called my teacher and asked what time he would be leaving that afternoon. He said don't worry about it, you can get it to me friday. Oh the relief. So thursday night I worked until very late making sure this paper was at least worthy of some proof reading marks. Friday I got up early and finished my paper and citations and called my teacher once again (I'm sure he is sick of hearing from me by now). He said just bring it by monday morning, and could you feed my dogs this weekend while I'm outta town? Hot dog! An extra weekend to work on my paper and brownie points?!?! Sign me up! So I went to his office today to hand in my paper, 13 pages of typed Arial 12 pt fecal matter. I mean really, I worked on it and it was an acceptable paper.... but I'm 100% sure its not what he was looking for. When I walked into his office and he pointed at the chair beside his desk with his glasses the way he so famously does I thought I might vomit. He read through my paper looking very thoughful, at the end he nodded his head, put it on his desk and said "I'm glad you lived up to that A I turned in for you this morning. Come back and see me in a few days and we'll get started on your powerpoint". I walked from his office and took probably the biggest breath I have ever taken... I had survived my first summer class, WITH AN A! Hello 3.8 gpa. I am impressed with me today. Then it hit me, not only had I been a success... my teacher really has faith in me. That's always a good feeling.

Delightfully relieved...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Good weekends...

Good weekends are the perfect breeding ground for lessons learned. But when a lesson is offered to you its kinda like contracting an STD... it can be avoided with a small amount of care and attention. I may have been a little careless this weekend in that sense. I learned a couple useful things I'd like to share.

Some friends of ours, we call them the M.P.'s because those are both their initials and the guy earned the nickname early in life due to his impossible to pronounce last name, came over and we had supper, played cars, and may have consumed an alcoholic beverage or 7... or was it 10? As you will learn I am some times talented... counting while intoxicated is not one of those times. Neither is remembering my date of birth... which can get you arrested, but that's a story long in the past that I'll have to attempt to explain later.

Here are a few lessons that have been offered to me this weekend...

1. A vegetable steaming device would be the first thing I reached for to defend myself if a knife were not handy. Because of the overwhelming amount of yellow and green squash our garden is producing its something I cook at every meal, which means I've had to start getting creative with it. I have this cool little, metal thing that has holds and folds up that nobody ever knows what the heck it is. I do remember once when I was a kid my mom using one to steam vegetables, therefore I do know what it is. You unfold it, put it in the bottom of a pot with a small amount of water, put your veggies on top of it, put the lid on, and turn the burner on for a while. As I was putting my vegetables down in the put trying to mix them up some to make sure my seasoning was evenly distributed I managed to make a 2 inch long, extremely deep gash in my finger on the edge of this handy vegetable steaming device. I don't do well with blood so you can imagine my dismay at the fact that I was pouring blood from my hand all over the kitchen! Chad's solution? he wrapped a paper towel around it, a latex glove around that, and finished off with half a roll of clear tape.... which leads to another lesson I've been presented and will probably accept, I am not the kind of person that needs to run out of band aids. So I'm going to the dollar general down the road to get some here shortly.

2. Ice cubes don't belong in shot glasses. After a margarita and a few mixed drinks I got the bright idea that my poker playing would improve significantly if I took a few shots of a few types of liquor. I invited my friend to join in on the shots. She opted for some so co, which was the only thing that hadn't been in the fridge. I decided I'd help her out with my fantastic idea. I grabbed an ice cube from the freezer and attempted to hold it in the liquor to chill it but not drop it in... apparently dextarity is something you lose after the amount of alcohol I had consumed. I dropped the ice cube in the shot glass (for those who don't drink much, your standard ice cube tray ice cube is about the same size as the liquid holding portion of the shot glass) spilling so co all over my bar, cook books, floor, etc...I spun around and grabbed the first thing I saw resembling a towel. which leads to my next lesson opportunity...

3. I don't have skill. You know on the movies when the super skilled person grabs the table cloth and rips it off the table without disturbing the dishes on the table top... those people are ranked among the gods apparently. The towel I reached for to clean up my spill was under 2 of my fancy glasses we drank from at supper. Needless to say I had fewer dishes to wash after I attempted my little trick.

4. Because of the amount of broken glass on my kitchen floor I was offered another lesson. Sweeping is not something drunks should attempt if possible. I picked about 3 pieces of glass out of my foot this morning. Fun stuff.

5. When you wake up in the morning and your eyes are still swimming in their sockets, roll over and go back to sleep. Do not get up, get in your car, and drive to town to feed your teacher's dogs that you promised you'd feed while their outta town. Apparently when things fly by you at a speed of appx. 65mph it induces last nights fun to revist you for an after party.

So yes, I've had a possibly educational weekend. We'll see how many of these lessons I absorb.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Bad blogger, bad bad bad blogger!

So when I left my cushy job at the "hell hole" I also abandoned my blog that I had barely begun. I use to blog daily... then I hit big city college and had to make some sacrifices. As my blog was only for ranting and saying ugly things about other people I made the executive decision to jump ship for a while until I could get my life back into functioning order. This goes to show that I shouldn't be allowed to make executive decisions... I always make the wrong one. How does a girl decide to give up her opportunity to rant and rave about the morons in this world? There are too many morons and not enough intelligent people out there, so those of us with a brain have to find a way to keep our heads above water. I've decided that while I am still an infinitely busy person, I must take up blogging again or I might sucumb to the stupidity that runs amuck around me.

My rant for today? All these teenage girls are running around thinking they are great stuff looking for the perfect "bad boy" to hop into bed with. These girls are generally the "I have legs 2 miles long, no boobs (yet, my parents are getting me some for my 16th birthday), I gave up my brain for cooler things like hair bleach and lip gloss, and I would never even consider eating anything more than a carrot stick in one seating... well, without throwing it up immediately that is..." girls. And what never fails? They hop from bed to bed looking for this oh so fascinationg bad boy that barely has a high school education, is unemployed, smokes cigarettes, and inevitably has a kid. Those girls begin to act like that guys kid is their own and think they are playing house or something. They think they are so cute and that they are really that poor child's mother. I hate, for them, that they are so delusional as to think they are fooling anyone... I especially hate it for the 4 year old that has been taken hostage by these delusions and is clearly aware that daddy's new bimbo is in possesion of less intelligence than them. I have all right to rant about this because once upon a time my father felt the need to marry someone half his age, only 8 years my elder, that felt the need to tell people she was my mother. 1. she was NO such thing, 2. did she really thing people were buying that she gave birth at age 8? detede! No, they all waited until she turned her head then scoffed at how stupid she could be and felt sorry for me all at the same time knowing that I was being forced to deal with this lunatic.

In other news, Fancy ( the dog I have adopted since last I blogged) has hit the terrible 2s of puppy hood. She single handedly sabotaged 50 watermelon and 50 cantelope plants in a time span of about 5 minutes. She also has given me a black eye and a bruise the size of a golf ball on my chin, chewed the lid off a full water bottle and dragged it throughout the house, and chewed a hole into a 50 lb bag of dog food which subsequently spilled all over the floor and proceeded to chow down on how much of it? I have no idea but I am certain my hand will soon fall of from whipping her. But... she's house broke. like that is any major accomplishment at this point.

I have sworn off wal mart. Yep, me... queen of blow my whole check at wally world the day I get it. As I live in a dry county again wal mart here doesn't carry booze and there is a dollar store 5 minutes from my house that carries everything else I need so why trouble myself with that sorry excuse of a store. Note to self: Colleges shouldn't be in dry counties and neither should I.

As Chad and I have given up our great paying jobs to attend SAU our lifestyle has changed. I have wished for nearly 3 years now that there would be fewer ropens in my life, now that it has happened I am somewhat sad. Possibly because I can now catch 2 horns 9 times outta 10, possibly because now the only traveling we really do is to mena and back. Either way... something has to give before long. Which leads to my plea.... Will everyone in Polk county please vote for Steve Oglesby this fall? That'd make my life great, but the details will have to wait until after the election and depend on the outcome.

Also, my "life goals" are still changing daily. Today I have given up the want for getting my masters based on the fact that I despise paper writing. Today I am going with "I will open my own restaurant and make it successful by the time I am 30." But we all know that could change any second now so don't mark it down on your calendar or anything.

Finally.... I am craving amaretto. To shooters tomorrow night for some of the best ever amaretto sours in the world?
Anything is possible....