Wednesday, July 1, 2009

ugh... I am such a bad blogger

This picture shows pure happines... laughter. And looking at it I can feel my heart being torn violently from my chest and pulled back to mena. There is nothing in the world that makes me feel the way this little guy's laughter does. I am still in awe that I can love him so much.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


The dishes may as well be stacked to the ceiling, I practically had to use the "stuff n close" method to shut my bedroom door for all the dirty clothes taking over my space, I was supposed to turn in my financial aid audit crap again today and agaian I didn't get to it... I was supposed to pack to go to mena, look for a second part time job, and go tan... Want to know what I got done today? I manage to sleep, throw up and watch tv... Completely worthless day. And I've got to work tomorrow and leave from work to go to mena. Why am I so dang sick?

I know I didn't say a whole lot, I just wanted to make it perfectly clear that I did nothing productive today and I'm not ashamed of that. So my apartment and its cleanliness have fallen by the way side for now. but its ok... I'll get to it eventually. I'm going to attempt to throw a load of laundry in the washer and go to sleep until the boy calls. Then go back to sleep...

Good night.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Are you really country?

I grew up on a farm 15 miles east of anything that even resembles a town. For as long as I can remember I've been feeding baby chicks (yep, with a scoop and a feed buggy), picking up dead, putting out hay and range cubes for cows, riding tractors and running around barefoot and wild outside all the time. When I was a kid it felt like being country was just not cool. If you were country you were weird... back woods and stuff. I look around now and constantly I am hearing about how all these people are "country". More power to ya... if you really are. But I'm just not convinced that all of the sudden, out of the blue, everyone around me is country when it wasn't too long ago I knew a hand full of people who have ever been up close and personal with any type of livestock or farming equipment. Now I understand... being country isn't only about having cows, chickens, horses or pigs and its not all about bailing hay or pulling calves. I understand that part of it is hunting, fishing, riding horses, getting dirty and doing anything outside. You can be country without ever having seen a cow... I find it highly unlikely, but I do believe it is a possibility. But what I am afraid is really going on is that being country is the new "in style". I think people are more in love with the idea of being country than they are with the actual country. People want to be country without ever getting dirty. I hate to tell ya folks... you can't be country without getting a little dirty. Plain and simple... you can go to the country. You can even do some coutry-ish things... but you can't actually be country unless you get dirty. And I don't mean wear an old t shirt and get a spot or two of dirt on ya.... By getting dirty I mean have so much dirt on your face, hands and body that only your mother would recognize you. I mean covered from head to toe in that stuff you don't even want to think about that comes along with pulling a calf. I mean baiting your own hook and getting worm guts on your hands. Dirty is cleaning a deer over a creek and being covered to your elbows in that rank ass deer blood. Those of you that think your country... how many times have you done any of that? Oh... and by the way, if you've ever actually been dirty it doesn't count if you sat there the whole time going "eeewwww that's so gross, oh my gosh that's nasty, etc." That completely voids that whole deal. Let me also point out that owning a pair of cowboy boots does NOT make you country. You don't have to have a "country" membership card to shop in a country/western store so any city slicker in the world could go buy a pair... that means those boots you paid $300 for 2 years ago that are sitting in your closet and have never touched cow shit.... they don't make you any more country than the high heels sititng next to them. One more thing... there seems to be some confusion. Just cause you eat deer meat does not mean you are country or that you are a hunter. Lots of people eat deer meat. Its good stuff, in some states you can actually find it on the menu in food joints. If a city slicker pulls of the road into a little cafe and orders venison on the menu... that doesn't make them any more country than some of you that claim to be hunters just cause you eat deer meat. If you've never actually killed a deer (and I don't mean killed it with your car) then let me make this clear.... you are NOT a deer hunter. Doesn't matter if you go to deer camp every year or not...

Still think your country? Let me tell you what. If you can answer yes to 90% of these questions then we'll talk about if you're country or not.

1. In the last 5 years have you even been on a tractor more than 20 times? I don't mean go to a john deere store and climb on a tractor and say hey, I was on a tractor today. I mean out somewhere on the tractor doing something i.e. raking hay, feeding hay, moving dirt... something like that. If you were actually driving... you get bonus points!
2. Do you know the difference between a cow and a heifer? I mean do you actually know? Don't go look it up on the internet and think you know...
3. Do you know what PTO stands for? And what it is?
4. Do you go fishing? If you go fishing is it only because your boyfriend/girlfriend goes and you think its cute? Do you bait your own hook? I mean there are some things I let the boy do for me because he doesn't mind like putting my lure on my line. What can I say, he's better at tying knots than I am. But do I ask him to put my worms on my hook for me? Negative ghost rider...
5. When you go hunting is it because your boyfriend/girlfriend goes? Do you go just to go or do you go for the thrill of the hunt and the adrenaline rush when you shoot a big fat deer?
6. Do you know the difference between a rodeo and a team ropen? And are you intelligent enough to know that when someone says they are going to a ropen this weekend they aren't going to a rodeo?
7. When you go to a rodeo that doesn't make you country. Its a show for entertainment. But when you go could you ride a horse in what you wear to the rodeo? I ask this because it seems like more and more when I go to rodeos or team ropens I see all these girls running around in shorts or skirts that show their ass cheeks... and what do they have on their feet? Yep...those high dollar cowboy boots that are just as shiney and new as they were the day they bought them... 2 years ago. Let me verify something for those girls... THAT is NOT country. THAT is really skanky among other things.
8. Know how to operate 2 or more farm implements? If you have to look up farm implements then just skip this question... the answer is no.
9. Can you drive a standard? I know this can be the criteria of being many things. But what I'm talking about is can you get in an old farm truck and get yourself down the road without it dying or burning the clutch every time you try to shift. I know that in this modern day standards are just not something you see every day. They have tractors, four wheelers and all sorts of vehicles that are made with an automatic tranny... I just think its funny when people tell me they can drive a standard and when it comes to it.... put put put... truck dies. That's not driving a standard. I will admit that if I'm in a gas powered rig that's a standard it might take me a second to take off cause I learned to drive a standard in a diseal and I can count the number of gas rigs I've tried to drive that had a standard in it... that number is 3 over a period of 8 years. So yeah, it might take me a second to get my timing right on the "let out on the clutch push in the gas"... but I do know how it works and I can do it.
10. Do you know how to operate the head gate in a lot? First off... do you know what a lot and a head gate are?
11. Have you ever had a real good batch of chiggers? Do you even actually know what chiggers are? I know they itch... we all know they itch. But do you know what they are?
12. Do you know what the steps are in getting hay up?

There are a lot more things that can qualify you as country.... but at this point I'm pretty tired of typing and the whole purpose of this blog was to get it off my chest how dumb some people can be. I know that a lot of people qualify themselves as country. And you know that's just fine and dandy... do it in the privacy of your own mind. Don't run around in your hooker clothes and slap on a pair of boots, yell yehaw and think anyone else is buying your act. That's what it is... the majority of people these days are acting like they are country.

When the boy and I first started dating he didn't think I knew anything about a farm, fishing or hunting... (he is very country by the way) but he based all this on the fact that I was always wearing jeans and tshirts, flip flops, dress pants, funky shorts... whatever I felt like wearing. You know... I wear that stuff cause its comfy. And I sure as hell ain't afraid to get out and get dirty in any of it. I wear boots and belts a little more than I use to now cause I spend a lot of time a ropens with him and yeah that's stuff is in style. I'm picky about what I will wear and what I won't. For the most part I dress just the way I always have... that doesn't make me any less country. But just cause you wear cowboy boots and belts with big buckles... you aren't any more country than anyone else. That's the equivelant of playing dress up with expensive clothes....

The fact is I LOVE the country, that's where I grew up... cows, chickens, dirt, tractors and all... I may live in the city now, but I'll always be country.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Gotta love those weekends

So for the last month or 2 I've been going back to my home town on the weekends. Its cheaper and easier for me to go there because my entire family, the boy and his family and most of what we do is in or around me. And on top of that my car gets between 30 and 35 mpg and the boy's truck gets about 13. So naturally its makes more sense for me to go there than for the boy to come to the fort to see me.

I got off work thursday at 5 o'clock after an unusually busy day and drove straight to hatfield to get the boy. I got to his house about 7 and ate dinner with his family. We left about 7:30 to head to texarkana to watch Jason Boland and the Stragglers. They were pretty awesome. Plus we got to see some friends we haven't seen in a while. I had a great time. We got back to hatfield at 3 in the morning and the boy had to be at work at 7. What does this tell you? I have the most amazing boyfriend there is... how many girls have boyfriends that would take them to a concert 2 hours from home, buy her drinks, drive her home, have to get up 3 1/2 hours later and let her sleep in as late as she wants? I'm gonna guess not that many! After I got up friday I slowly got ready while watching tv then went to town to meet the boy and he took me to lunch! Yes... he is sweet. We ran around town and did nothing for a little while then went to his house and took a nap. And then went went to ride horses. He is amazing and he treats me SSSOOO great. I am so very thankful for him.
Saturday I raked hay all day and got super burnt while he built fence. By the time I was done raking hay I was so tired and not feeling good so I went home to take a shower. I was in such a weird mood. I wanted everyone to go away but at the same time I wanted the boy to just cuddle up with me. And I don't guess he was in a cuddle mood. It irritated me... ugh.
Today I didn't do a whole lot of anything. I laid around, cooked dinner and drove back to the fort so I can work tomorrow.

I hope I'm in a better mood tomorrow. I can't stand this mood crap. ugh....

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Oh the boredom

Today I am at work. I am doing what I did yesterday and all last week. Not a dang thing. I think my butt is numb. I have just been sitting here for hours on end with nothing to do. I'm the only one IN the office today so I just have to stay put. No going home early for me today. I guess its ok. If i were at home I'd be playing on the internet all day, why not get paid for it?

I decided today that AT&T and Altell need to become better friends because there are days when Chad's phone and mine will not communicate with each other. I sent Chad a message this morning. A while later he hadn't sent one back. So I sent him another that said "well?". No response. I sent "Hello? Is there anyone home today?". No response. So I leave for work and call him to see what the deal is. This isn't over a period of like 10 minutes. This is since 8 this morning and I go to lunch at 12. So I call him and he answers the phone hello? I said hey, what are you doing? Nothing really. You been busy? I said no. Have you? He says no, why haven't you texted me this morning since you've been there. I said uhm I've sent you plenty of messages that you didn't respond to. The point of this is that our phones tick me off. And although I know his phone and my phone probably just aren't getting along well I get pretty ticked off about not hearing from him. Not ticked off where I call him and say listen here pal you better buck up or get out. Just the kind where I want to smash my phone and tell him its his fault for having a piece of junk phone. I know that it wouldn't make any sense to do that... but I'd like to sometimes.

This week is such a busy week for not really doing anything. I got back to fort smith from mena at midnight monday night and had to work tuesday morning at 8. tanned at 6 then started this project called removing unneccesary junk from my closet. What made me think this was a good idea? I don't know. It started that I was getting down a box that I put all my "I'm gonna put this in my scrap book some day" stuff in. and then I just started cleaning out other boxes that haven't been cleaned out since I FIRST moved to the fort nearly a year ago... way to go me. Such a slacker. oh well. Any how. I finally give out on that about 11 last night and waited for Chad to call (I think its sweet he calls me every night to tell me good night). We talked briefly but were both so sleepy we said good night and went to bed. This morning was, as usual, a mad dash to make it to work on time. After work I have to haul tail to the post office to pick up something... not sure what. Just had one of those little yellow notes from the post carrier. Then to tan at 6. Then pack. Then to the rodeo around 7:30 or so with Jayme and I dunno who. Then another mad dash to work tomorrow morning. Then a mad dash to mena to get Chad and race to texarkana to see Jason Boland at shooters. Then friday lunch with Chad I'm sure. Maybe a couple friends will join us. Saturday I'm raking hay(if the rain holds off) and Chad is building fence. Then sunday more chores and hopefully there will be time for mom to get some much needed pictures of Chad and I. Monday it will be hurry up and get ready while taking care of Braxton and be in town by noon to go to lunch with Chad and his family. Then back to the fort and it starts all over again... In a way I like being busy cause its like back in the day when I use to run run run during the summer. But now days I don't have the energy. Still hoping for the doctors to figure that one out... til then I fall asleep every time I sit still more than 5 seconds. ugh....
Well, I figure I should wrap this up and pretend I'm earning a pay check this week. I think I'll run financial reports and see how close to no longer having a job I really am....