Its a fact of life.

Its a fact of life that the grass is always "greener" on the other side. Everyone is always unhappy with what they have and they want what everyone else has.

Its a fact of life that boys are jerks. Them and their "damn boy penises" (cursing is allowed when quoting, especially when quoting grey's.)

Its a fact of life that there will never be enough money for bills or groceries but there will always be enough money to go rope.

Its a fact of life that I never fall for boys, I only fall for their families.

Its a fact of life that myself and people my age will have to work from the grave to finish paying off all our debt.

Its a fact of life that nothing will ever go as planned.

Its a fact of life that even if I made $100,000 a year instead of $9,754 a year I would still be broke... I would just work more. So please tell me, what's the point?

Its a fact of life that we hold other people to higher standards than what we hold ourselves to...

Its a fact of life that kids these days are spoiled rotten. They need a good strong beating out behind the barn.

Its a fact of life that all the great guys in the world are taken by the girls that are the reason for pools being chlorinated.

Its a fact of life that if you live in mena, ar you shouldn't have relations with the locals... STDs run a muck in polk county.

On that note, its a fact of life that when a girl is dating a gyn's son and gets an STD that the world is entitled to "rofl".

Its a fact of life that trig is the most ridiculous class ever required for any degree... as my teacher so graciously pointed out, you may need it if you ever become a nuclear engineer. Yeah, that's why I'm an ag science major.

Working is a fact of life.

Emily's Last hoorah!

It began last thursday. I woke up late and already knew the day was going to be one of THOSE days as I knew there was a trig test to be taken shortly after my 5ft vertical jump from my bed when I realized I'd over slept by about an hour. Made it to class at exactly 9:46. Late. Awesome.... 15+hours of homework/prep for the trig test + 2 hours spent trying to tell myself to breath + the teacher calling time before I'm done = hello begining to my awful weekend. After class the boy took me to Flying Burger for lunch. My salad sucked unlike last time which irked me. Then I had to go to work. I arrived at work to realize my phone was not on my person. I flew back across campus to Flying Burger to see if by some chance it was there... Nope. Went back to the business building to the classroom where my nightmares are fullfilled, not there either. Proceeded to clean out my car, not there. That covers everywhere I had been since I left home and I still hadn't found my phone. Crap. So I went back to work and did nothing. Went home to change to go watch Pilgrims Farms cut silage, we got there too late and missed it. Went to eat at West Shore. Ordered a steak and a margarita. Slurped down the first margarita long before my food came and got started on the next. My food came and my steak was rare not medium. GAG! Sent it back and ate my baked potato while gulping my margarita thinking surely the tequilla would kick in and save my day. Wrong. 20 minutes late my steak was not back to the table. I told the waitress just to charge me for my tater and drinks and we'd call it even. She apologizes and brings me my steak in a to go box with fries and informs me my entire tab has been cleared. Ok... cool. Free meal. That works. Get home and get completely chewed out for not being home by 7:30 as I had GUESSED we would be. I was not driving and last time I checked I didn't have a curfew. Guess I was wrong again. Climb into bed to hide from the rest of the day and wake up friday with a mile long list of things to do so we can leave for mena. I decided to heat up my free steak for lunch. Get it out of the box and turns out they still didn't send me a medium steak, they sent me a charcoaled black steak with a still pretty rare center. Seriously?Gah! The boy of course complains about the steak being burnt. What's new? Finally get everything loaded and ready and head to polk county with no way to contact the outside world when I get there. Oh joy. On the bright side of that I got my hair did by Betsy friday night and it turned out AWESOME!
Saturday me and Trav were supposed to go swimming. He ditched me for his friends, who can blame him? I don't really. He promised we'd hang out sunday because he's leaving this week to go back to tulsa. No big deal, works for me. Took Braxton to the boy's house to ride horses and swim. It was 102 degrees so we didn't go swimming, we waited for it to cool off so we could go ride. Went to saddle the horses and they were turned out. Screw that idea. So we took Braxton for a ride on the "bike" (aka four wheeler). He was plenty content with riding it over to see the horses and pet them. Went to look at the new stud... lovin me some Mr. Jess Perry. Let Braxton sit on Jody while we led him around. he was pretty impressed. Then we went to eat with Jason and Sarah. That was fun. Their new addition is just really cute! Brought Braxton to meet my grandparents, that was the first time he ever screamed about going somewhere with nanny and papa. It made me feel awful. so I promise him I'll see him in the morning and send him off screaming and climb in the car with myself in tears. We head out to the bar with some friends. The night starts off decently, double fisting long necks. And it all went down hill from there. Afte r the first 6 or maybe 8 beers and a shot of vodka we got this "bright" idea. Lets drink one of everything they have in the cooler... Great idea girls. What were we thinking? After that the boy drags me out of the bar and to the car where I proceed to be overly obnoxious. I can't remember why buy I smacked my friend's husband in the eye pretty good. He was impressed. Made it home about 3 a.m. where I proceeded to throw up for about 45 minutes straight. I think that's a record for me. Climbed into bed and thought I'd wake up just fine in the morning. Wrong again. Woke up about 9 hoping someone would hurry and put me out of my misery. No such luck. I proceeded to throw up and convulse until 4p.m. I then took a shower and drove out to my grandparents to see Braxton still not feeling up to anything. Told my mom why I didn't show up earlier in the day. She informed me that I'm "really f***ing stupid and deserve to feel that bad"... thanks mom. Trav then concurs and I wonder why I even bothered to make the hour long round trip. Loaded my stuff up and left about 6 to drive back to magnolia. Got to the boy's house where his dad proceeded to inform me that he also agreed with my mom. If anyone thinks that I hadn't already come to the same conclusion they are wrong and them saying it out loud only makes my head hurt worse. Made it back to magnolia about 10:30 with an awesome headache. Climbed into bed and hoped to never wake. Needless to say I've decided that saturday night will likely be my last hoorah. I can't feel that way ever again... I would surely pay someone to end it.
Woke up late again this morning and headed to trig to see my test score from thursday. Yep, that's what I figured. Made myself a 35%. I'm so proud I got 4 right! Left class and went to work which is always miserable. Came home and when the boy got home he proceeded to give me permission to cook supper before I go to town to work on my trig with a study group. I didn't move. He came back and asked when I was going to start cooking. I said "I'm not". He chewed me out. Guess what I made for supper. I didn't.... boys are jerks. Got all but 2 questions done on my trig project... proofs are the devil.
Now here I am... collecting phone numbers for my new phone. Which by the way... is pretty awesome!

My weekend + 2 days

Seeing as how I went to mena this weekend, I was all full of "piss and viniger" when we got back to magnolia. Someone always manages to step on my toes when I enter polk county. Anyway... friday when we arrived in polk county we were scheduled to meet with Chad's best friend from New York that I hadn't ever met before. When we pulled up in the friend's parent's driveway I could have had a stroke... I am still not sure I didn't... anyway. Its a small world out there, especially in polk county. It turns out that Rodney's parents were the best friends of the late parents of a very serious mishap on my track record. I made a large mistake once upon a time... it involved that dirty little 8 letter word that starts with "M" and has got the world going all kinds of crazy. Anyway... I did eventually feel my way out of the disaster that was just upon the horizon, so please don't hold it against me that I almost got swept up in that fad. Enough about that... it was an awkward couple of minutes that THANKFULLY ended before there were any "cusses or discusses" thrown into the air. Pretty uneventful, yet entertaining eveing. We went to eat, of course we took the NY couple to wal mart... you don't visit mena without going to wal mart, then drove up on the mountain although you can't see anything at night, then we drove back roads for a while. We eventually made it back to Rodney's parent's house to drop him and his wife off. Somehow we made it up the driveway, I don't know how seeing as how "cold" the hill top was. I mean seriously... you could have froze water on that woman's hindparts... this is where I would like to point out, I don't recall signing anything when I came out of the womb that said "I will be friendly to any and all persons I come into contact with", therefore I reserve the right to chose who I am friendly to. On the top of that list you will not find people who can't be friendly to me. To those people... I don't have a very large tucus, but I'm sure I can find a spot large enough for you to fit your stuck up, obnoxious lips.
Back to my weekend, saturday I spent the day playing with Braxton which was awesome. Then headed to hatfield for Claude's surprise birthday/retirement party. He was completely shocked so it was a success. The food was good, the company was shady... but of course that's what you usually end up with when you associate with state livestock inspectors. There was much cussing and discussing. Lots of laughter, and many complaints on how full everyone's stomach got to be... especially after the homemade ice cream and various other desserts were busted out. Sunday I spent the whole day with my little man. He amazes me. His vocabulary has grown leaps and bounds... which could be a negative thing considering it now includes: "ah shit, damnit, retard, oh nuts, dick head, and DUH!". But he says some things that are positives, such as: "horse, cow, ostrich, flamingo, bite, tail, toes, eyes, pigs, pink, hay, watermelon, cantelope, ice cream, hot dogs, and choo choo". But I have to tell you, of all the things he says my heart melts to pieces when he says "shoes". Its just too adorable... but while that melts my heart, nothing could have made my weekend the way him saying "Emily" for the first time. I came very close to crying... ok, so I let a few tears slide. We've been working on it a long time. We were talking about the letters of the alphabet (he can say them all) and when I got to E he said "E, egg... Emily..." it was cute!
Later that day we visited our friends who had a baby last week, he was precious! And their other son is just too funny. then my grandpa grilled hot dogs and hamburgers. Monday morning my grandpa taught me to make his homemade biscuits because mine never turn out. My grandma and I managed to burn them as soon as he left the house. It was pretty funny. I really love my grandparents... they are truley the 2 best people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. They mean so much to me, I can't imagine my world without them. My grandma has been diagnosed with CHF, so my world seems to be falling apart. Got to move on before I really lose it here. We finally made it back to waldo. Worked a really long day tuesday....
Today my summer 2 class started. Trig. Oh what fun. I sat down and survey the room. In the front sat an asian guy and his daughter I guessed. I thought cool, I wish I had a kid to bring to college with me. When the teacher walked in dad got up and left the room... leaving his daughter alone. It took me a few minutes to realize that this child, who was between 8 and 10 years old, was really a student in my college trig class. As soon as the teacher started talking I was embarrassed... she knew more of that crap than I did. So not cool. so I've developed a plan. There should be a special section of college classes for child progidies so they don't come to regular classes and make me feel retarded! Other than that I've realized I will probably fail this class. As of today I've lost 7lbs. Go me. I worked this afternoon which did nothing for my mood. I finished up the laundry. And fancy left a "4 claw" mark down the side of my face. And now I'm about to work on my trig homework. I think that about sums it up. That's about all I can remember for now. I did take pictures this weekend. I'll work on posting some.

this is my boring life....

E... Eggs... Emily

Oklahoma...

Today while I was on hour 10 of work I was jamming out to some red dirt music on the ol ipod. Man I love technology. Probably one of my top 1o songs is 'If I ever get back to Oklahoma" by Jason Boland and the Stragglers (most of their songs are among my favorites). When it came on I found my heart longing, once again, for the place that should have been my place of birth... although I may not have appreciated it as much if it had been. Three years ago (ish) Chad and I set out to the national finals in the great Oklahoma City. My very first thought? "Damn team ropen. Damn it, damn it I hate team ropen". Then we hit the oklahoma line and instead of my jaw flapping it just sort of hanged there. Now, I had been to oklahoma before. That's where most of my family is from and that's where all our family reunions are held. Also, I am from polk county and the closest beer store is across the state line into oklahoma... not that I would ever drive to oklahoma just for beer, we usually "checked stock" along the way. But as we drove into the beautiful state that neighbors my home state I just couldn't take in enough of it. The further we drove the happier I felt... yes, I was on my way to a ropen and my heart felt light and the smile apon my face kept spreading. And this thought ran through my head... "I'm going to move here some day." It was an odd thought that I sort of just shook off to enjoy the scenery. When we arrived in midwest city, that's where we always stay, I was in one of the most cheerful of moods. I just felt like there were no burdens, I had no stressful issues at home, I didn't have mounds of homework stacking up from missing school, and Chad and I weren't fighting (I don't remember what about... I just remember that's how the trip started out). The air felt fresh, crisp and welcoming. Mind you, this is the last week of october. Yet I couldn't have been happier to have that fierce oklahoma wind threatening to rip my nose straight from my face. As the week went on we visited the local sights. That's where I began to fall in love. We went to bricktown and explored. We went in stores, we walked to canals, we just took it all in. And I couldn't get enough of it. THEN the final piece was placed into its spot, we went to the stockyards and ate at Cattleman's. Now take into account that I HATE salad (well, use to.) and DESPISE salad dressings. I ate 3 salads...with dressing before they brought my steak. I devoured 2 bowls of their salad dressing on their homemade croutons. When my steak came I couldn't resist... I drenched it and my baked potato in it. That day was the day I fell in love with salad. And I actually like some dressings now, but every time I think of oklahoma I get a several week long craving for the Cattleman's dressing. Aside from the salad dressing, I promise that's not why I love oklahoma, we were there for halloween. We went to see Saw 5(?) on its opening night. Bricktown on halloween is like a foreign planet. You can barely drive down the streets in a small car for all the bicycle carts, horse drawn carriages, and people dressed as goons and ferries. THAT was the moment my love affair with Oklahoma City began. We have gone back every year since then and every year I fall more in love, if that's possible. So yes... Jason Boland and the Stragglers said it right when they said "If I ever get back to oklahoma I'm gonna nail my feet to the ground". Oklahoma isn't my home state... but its the closest thing I can get to a "step" home state.

Don't get me wrong.... Arkansas is one of the most amazing states EVER. Its so beautiful here. The farm where I grew up is just breath taking. And I will never want to be permenately away from there, but I'd rather live in oklahoma and visit my mountains, creeks, hay meadows, and wildlife in arkansas.

At that I'll leave you with some images of my home in mena, ar.

A+ Fecal Matter

As the end of first summer sesson, being my first ever summer class, comes to an end I am thrilled with the outcome. There were only 2 assignments in the class, no tests, just a paper and a powerpoint presentation to be given in the fall to my teachers intro to ag class (an all freshman class so I'm far from concerned about that). The assignments were due last thursday so I was the over achieving student that finished the paper a week ahead of time and took it to my teacher to be critiqued before I started on the power point that would be based on the ideas from my paper. When I went to retrieve my paper that I was sure would have some red markings I was floored, not a mark on it... because my teacher hated the whole thing and wanted me to start over. Not what I needed. So I couldn't bring myself to work on my redo for several days because I was lost and had no idea where to re-begin. After several days I sat down and said to myself "I will finish this now". About that time my phone vibrated. It was my sister which always seems odd to me because we really dont' speak much. She was texting to inform me my grandmother had been in the hospital all day, she had a stroke... My grandmother has had heart problems for as long as I can remember. They began with a serious of small strokes several years ago. To get the full understanding of how hard this hits me, until I moved away from mena I lived with my grandparents for years. I practically lived there my whole life because their house is beside my mom's. What little was taught to me about cooking by other people was done by my grandma. She always had a project for me, making sour dough bread on a boring weekend day, baking papa some "truck cookies" when I was still a little young to help with hay. Other than in the kitchen she taught me what I know about sewing, about bill paying, about doing laundry, basically anything you ever needed to know about keeping house or entertaining company. On top of that she taught me everything I know about chickens, which I guess to some people isn't so important... but at my house that kinda of knowledge made life easier. My grandma is such a strong woman. She is SO stubborn, which is a trait I have inherited 10 fold from her. I also gained my love for old movies and Elvis from my grandma. So when I read this text message from my sister that said "Have you talked to mom? Nanny had a stroke today" I felt the world tilt off its axis and send me spinning. I tried to read the message again through my tears to make sure I had read it right... to be very honest I must have read the message upwards of 10 times trying to make sure I wasn't reading it wrong. Since I moved away from home my number one fear has been the phone call where someone informs me something has gone wrong, like this. There would be no paper writing after that. So the next day was the day my paper was due, I thought... I can do this. I called my teacher and asked what time he would be leaving that afternoon. He said don't worry about it, you can get it to me friday. Oh the relief. So thursday night I worked until very late making sure this paper was at least worthy of some proof reading marks. Friday I got up early and finished my paper and citations and called my teacher once again (I'm sure he is sick of hearing from me by now). He said just bring it by monday morning, and could you feed my dogs this weekend while I'm outta town? Hot dog! An extra weekend to work on my paper and brownie points?!?! Sign me up! So I went to his office today to hand in my paper, 13 pages of typed Arial 12 pt fecal matter. I mean really, I worked on it and it was an acceptable paper.... but I'm 100% sure its not what he was looking for. When I walked into his office and he pointed at the chair beside his desk with his glasses the way he so famously does I thought I might vomit. He read through my paper looking very thoughful, at the end he nodded his head, put it on his desk and said "I'm glad you lived up to that A I turned in for you this morning. Come back and see me in a few days and we'll get started on your powerpoint". I walked from his office and took probably the biggest breath I have ever taken... I had survived my first summer class, WITH AN A! Hello 3.8 gpa. I am impressed with me today. Then it hit me, not only had I been a success... my teacher really has faith in me. That's always a good feeling.

Delightfully relieved...

Good weekends...

Good weekends are the perfect breeding ground for lessons learned. But when a lesson is offered to you its kinda like contracting an STD... it can be avoided with a small amount of care and attention. I may have been a little careless this weekend in that sense. I learned a couple useful things I'd like to share.

Some friends of ours, we call them the M.P.'s because those are both their initials and the guy earned the nickname early in life due to his impossible to pronounce last name, came over and we had supper, played cars, and may have consumed an alcoholic beverage or 7... or was it 10? As you will learn I am some times talented... counting while intoxicated is not one of those times. Neither is remembering my date of birth... which can get you arrested, but that's a story long in the past that I'll have to attempt to explain later.

Here are a few lessons that have been offered to me this weekend...

1. A vegetable steaming device would be the first thing I reached for to defend myself if a knife were not handy. Because of the overwhelming amount of yellow and green squash our garden is producing its something I cook at every meal, which means I've had to start getting creative with it. I have this cool little, metal thing that has holds and folds up that nobody ever knows what the heck it is. I do remember once when I was a kid my mom using one to steam vegetables, therefore I do know what it is. You unfold it, put it in the bottom of a pot with a small amount of water, put your veggies on top of it, put the lid on, and turn the burner on for a while. As I was putting my vegetables down in the put trying to mix them up some to make sure my seasoning was evenly distributed I managed to make a 2 inch long, extremely deep gash in my finger on the edge of this handy vegetable steaming device. I don't do well with blood so you can imagine my dismay at the fact that I was pouring blood from my hand all over the kitchen! Chad's solution? he wrapped a paper towel around it, a latex glove around that, and finished off with half a roll of clear tape.... which leads to another lesson I've been presented and will probably accept, I am not the kind of person that needs to run out of band aids. So I'm going to the dollar general down the road to get some here shortly.

2. Ice cubes don't belong in shot glasses. After a margarita and a few mixed drinks I got the bright idea that my poker playing would improve significantly if I took a few shots of a few types of liquor. I invited my friend to join in on the shots. She opted for some so co, which was the only thing that hadn't been in the fridge. I decided I'd help her out with my fantastic idea. I grabbed an ice cube from the freezer and attempted to hold it in the liquor to chill it but not drop it in... apparently dextarity is something you lose after the amount of alcohol I had consumed. I dropped the ice cube in the shot glass (for those who don't drink much, your standard ice cube tray ice cube is about the same size as the liquid holding portion of the shot glass) spilling so co all over my bar, cook books, floor, etc...I spun around and grabbed the first thing I saw resembling a towel. which leads to my next lesson opportunity...

3. I don't have skill. You know on the movies when the super skilled person grabs the table cloth and rips it off the table without disturbing the dishes on the table top... those people are ranked among the gods apparently. The towel I reached for to clean up my spill was under 2 of my fancy glasses we drank from at supper. Needless to say I had fewer dishes to wash after I attempted my little trick.

4. Because of the amount of broken glass on my kitchen floor I was offered another lesson. Sweeping is not something drunks should attempt if possible. I picked about 3 pieces of glass out of my foot this morning. Fun stuff.

5. When you wake up in the morning and your eyes are still swimming in their sockets, roll over and go back to sleep. Do not get up, get in your car, and drive to town to feed your teacher's dogs that you promised you'd feed while their outta town. Apparently when things fly by you at a speed of appx. 65mph it induces last nights fun to revist you for an after party.

So yes, I've had a possibly educational weekend. We'll see how many of these lessons I absorb.

Bad blogger, bad bad bad blogger!

So when I left my cushy job at the "hell hole" I also abandoned my blog that I had barely begun. I use to blog daily... then I hit big city college and had to make some sacrifices. As my blog was only for ranting and saying ugly things about other people I made the executive decision to jump ship for a while until I could get my life back into functioning order. This goes to show that I shouldn't be allowed to make executive decisions... I always make the wrong one. How does a girl decide to give up her opportunity to rant and rave about the morons in this world? There are too many morons and not enough intelligent people out there, so those of us with a brain have to find a way to keep our heads above water. I've decided that while I am still an infinitely busy person, I must take up blogging again or I might sucumb to the stupidity that runs amuck around me.

My rant for today? All these teenage girls are running around thinking they are great stuff looking for the perfect "bad boy" to hop into bed with. These girls are generally the "I have legs 2 miles long, no boobs (yet, my parents are getting me some for my 16th birthday), I gave up my brain for cooler things like hair bleach and lip gloss, and I would never even consider eating anything more than a carrot stick in one seating... well, without throwing it up immediately that is..." girls. And what never fails? They hop from bed to bed looking for this oh so fascinationg bad boy that barely has a high school education, is unemployed, smokes cigarettes, and inevitably has a kid. Those girls begin to act like that guys kid is their own and think they are playing house or something. They think they are so cute and that they are really that poor child's mother. I hate, for them, that they are so delusional as to think they are fooling anyone... I especially hate it for the 4 year old that has been taken hostage by these delusions and is clearly aware that daddy's new bimbo is in possesion of less intelligence than them. I have all right to rant about this because once upon a time my father felt the need to marry someone half his age, only 8 years my elder, that felt the need to tell people she was my mother. 1. she was NO such thing, 2. did she really thing people were buying that she gave birth at age 8? detede! No, they all waited until she turned her head then scoffed at how stupid she could be and felt sorry for me all at the same time knowing that I was being forced to deal with this lunatic.

In other news, Fancy ( the dog I have adopted since last I blogged) has hit the terrible 2s of puppy hood. She single handedly sabotaged 50 watermelon and 50 cantelope plants in a time span of about 5 minutes. She also has given me a black eye and a bruise the size of a golf ball on my chin, chewed the lid off a full water bottle and dragged it throughout the house, and chewed a hole into a 50 lb bag of dog food which subsequently spilled all over the floor and proceeded to chow down on how much of it? I have no idea but I am certain my hand will soon fall of from whipping her. But... she's house broke. like that is any major accomplishment at this point.

I have sworn off wal mart. Yep, me... queen of blow my whole check at wally world the day I get it. As I live in a dry county again wal mart here doesn't carry booze and there is a dollar store 5 minutes from my house that carries everything else I need so why trouble myself with that sorry excuse of a store. Note to self: Colleges shouldn't be in dry counties and neither should I.

As Chad and I have given up our great paying jobs to attend SAU our lifestyle has changed. I have wished for nearly 3 years now that there would be fewer ropens in my life, now that it has happened I am somewhat sad. Possibly because I can now catch 2 horns 9 times outta 10, possibly because now the only traveling we really do is to mena and back. Either way... something has to give before long. Which leads to my plea.... Will everyone in Polk county please vote for Steve Oglesby this fall? That'd make my life great, but the details will have to wait until after the election and depend on the outcome.

Also, my "life goals" are still changing daily. Today I have given up the want for getting my masters based on the fact that I despise paper writing. Today I am going with "I will open my own restaurant and make it successful by the time I am 30." But we all know that could change any second now so don't mark it down on your calendar or anything.

Finally.... I am craving amaretto. To shooters tomorrow night for some of the best ever amaretto sours in the world?
Anything is possible....